The Postman Only Rings Once...at Your Neighbor's House

Dear Madam,

I am sorry the post office put your renewal notice into your neighbor's mailbox by mistake.  Yes, we had the correct address in our database but we certainly should have hand delivered it to you so you didn't "have to suffer the embarrassment of having [your] neighbor think [you] don't pay your bills on time because [you] always pay [your] bills on time and receive enough mail already to be humiliated like this."

Sister Mary Leo Is Going to Be SO Upset

Me: Thank you for calling XXX, how may I help you?
Caller: Do you know the Bible?
Me: Yes mam, but I don't have it memorized.
Caller: Do you know the verse, "Tiki, tiki and he smote them?"
Me: I haven't heard that one.
Caller: But do you know what verse it is?
Me: No mam, I don't have the Bible memorized.
Caller: Is it in the new testament?
Me: I think it's somewhere in the middle.
Caller: Well, if you find it, call me back.
Me: Thy will be done.

Maybe She Was Planning to Water the Plants

Dear Madam,

Thank you for ignoring me then giving me the evil eye when I tried to get your attention by asking, "Mam, May I help you?"  I also appreciated your angry tone when you told me "someone" said you could use the bathroom but that locked door you are tugging on leads to an office.

No Really, It's not a Problem

Caller: Is it going to be a problem if I bring food when I visit?
Me: No, it will be no problem at all.
Caller: So it's not a problem?
Me: It is not problem at all.
Caller: Because I don't want to have a problem.
Me: It is no problem.
Caller: Ok, thanks for your help.
Me: No problem.

Because It Won't Be Fun For Either of You

Dear Madam,
I am sorry you think you and your child should ride the train for free because your daughter is "too young to remember it" and you "have to ride so she doesn't hurt herself."

What She'll Need Next Week

Dear Madam,
I am sorry you did not tell the sales person that you would bring your four adult children in the future and that she did not read your mind nor predict the future to see what you would need a week after your paid.

Please Hold for 10 Minutes

Dear Madam,
I am sorry you are upset we answered the phone 10 minutes before we opened because we were ready to open early.

Plus, Plus, Plus

Caller: How much is an adult ticket?
Me: $20.99 plus tax.
Caller: So twenty dollars per person.
Me: No mam, it's twenty dollars and ninety-nine cents plus tax per person.
Caller: I have 4 adults and it's twenty dollars to get them all in, right?
Me: No mam, for adults it is twenty dollars and ninety-nine cents plus tax PER PERSON.
Caller: Oh!  Per person?  So that's eighty dollars to get in 4 adults?
Me: Close enough.
Caller: And you're open every day but closed on Saturdays and Sundays, right?
Me: No mam.  We're open every day of the week.
Caller: Including Saturdays and Sunday?
Me: Yes mam, the entire week plus Saturdays and Sundays