Dear Madam,
I am sorry but you will not be able to cuddle with one of the live bears. I know they are "super cute" and "it would be, like, totally awesome" and that you have "seen people hold them on tv" but l would hate it if the wild animal ripped off your arm because that would involve a lot of paperwork for me.
Sunday, March 4, 2012
Monday, October 24, 2011
Coupon Queen
Dear Madam,
I am sorry but I cannot give you a $93 discount on your season pass. Yes, I understand you "spent a lot of money already" but you were given lunch, a $10 coupon in the gift shop, free rides, enjoyed several of the attractions and paid the taxes in exchange for what you where charged but I can see how we should be able to run our business on an income of $45 per day.
I am sorry but I cannot give you a $93 discount on your season pass. Yes, I understand you "spent a lot of money already" but you were given lunch, a $10 coupon in the gift shop, free rides, enjoyed several of the attractions and paid the taxes in exchange for what you where charged but I can see how we should be able to run our business on an income of $45 per day.
Where Would We Keep Them?
Dear Madam,
I am very sorry but we do not have panthers for sale nor do I know if you can pick one up on safari in Arizona.
I am very sorry but we do not have panthers for sale nor do I know if you can pick one up on safari in Arizona.
Saturday, October 15, 2011
Inclusion
Caller: How much does it cost to attend the Fall Festival?
Me: It is included with the price of admission.
Caller: What does that mean?
Me: The event is free with admission.
Caller: What does that mean?
Me: You pay for a ticket to come in...
Caller: Right.
Me: And the event that is going on inside the park doesn't cost anything extra.
Caller: So, it's free?
Me: After you pay to come in to the park, you don't have to spend any more money.
Me: It is included with the price of admission.
Caller: What does that mean?
Me: The event is free with admission.
Caller: What does that mean?
Me: You pay for a ticket to come in...
Caller: Right.
Me: And the event that is going on inside the park doesn't cost anything extra.
Caller: So, it's free?
Me: After you pay to come in to the park, you don't have to spend any more money.
Wednesday, October 12, 2011
It's a Pain in the Paper
Dear Sir,
Yes, I do understand it is a "huge inconvenience" to write your name and address on a piece of paper. Your tirade was especially appropriate in front of your 5 year-old child. I am sorry the inconvenience made you storm out of our office but thank you for opening the door to stick your head in and tell us what a "pain in the butt" it is to fill out paperwork. I'll make sure to document the incident...on paper.
Yes, I do understand it is a "huge inconvenience" to write your name and address on a piece of paper. Your tirade was especially appropriate in front of your 5 year-old child. I am sorry the inconvenience made you storm out of our office but thank you for opening the door to stick your head in and tell us what a "pain in the butt" it is to fill out paperwork. I'll make sure to document the incident...on paper.
Monday, August 29, 2011
Who Needs Loyalty Without Sense?
Dear Madam,
I am sorry you do not understand our kids loyalty program. Thank you for cutting me off each time I tried to explain it to you. I am sorry you didn't read the email, nor the letter, nor the coupon, nor the website link we sent you within the first 3 weeks of registering for the program. Thank you for your response of "whatever, it just doesn't make any sense at all." I was beginning to think I was speaking to someone who had some sense.
I am sorry you do not understand our kids loyalty program. Thank you for cutting me off each time I tried to explain it to you. I am sorry you didn't read the email, nor the letter, nor the coupon, nor the website link we sent you within the first 3 weeks of registering for the program. Thank you for your response of "whatever, it just doesn't make any sense at all." I was beginning to think I was speaking to someone who had some sense.
Tuesday, August 2, 2011
She Hates to be Forward
Dear Madam,
Although you paid for it and only listed your address on the account, I am sorry we did not send your ex-boyfriend's annual pass to his new house after your break up. We will continue to monitor your facebook relationship status so we can avoid this kind of problem in the future. I am also very sorry he took your last postage stamp, thus preventing you from forwarding his pass two blocks down the street from you.
Although you paid for it and only listed your address on the account, I am sorry we did not send your ex-boyfriend's annual pass to his new house after your break up. We will continue to monitor your facebook relationship status so we can avoid this kind of problem in the future. I am also very sorry he took your last postage stamp, thus preventing you from forwarding his pass two blocks down the street from you.
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