Coupon Queen

Dear Madam,

I am sorry but I cannot give you a $93 discount on your season pass.  Yes, I understand you "spent a lot of money already" but you were given lunch, a $10 coupon in the gift shop, free rides, enjoyed several of the attractions and paid the taxes in exchange for what you where charged but I can see how we should be able to run our business on an income of $45 per day.

Where Would We Keep Them?

Dear Madam,

I am very sorry but we do not have panthers for sale nor do I know if you can pick one up on safari in Arizona.

Inclusion

Caller: How much does it cost to attend the Fall Festival?
Me: It is included with the price of admission.
Caller: What does that mean?
Me: The event is free with admission.
Caller: What does that mean?
Me: You pay for a ticket to come in...
Caller: Right.
Me: And the event that is going on inside the park doesn't cost anything extra.
Caller: So, it's free?
Me: After you pay to come in to the park, you don't have to spend any more money.

It's a Pain in the Paper

Dear Sir,
Yes, I do understand it is a "huge inconvenience" to write your name and address on a piece of paper.  Your tirade was especially appropriate in front of your 5 year-old child.  I am sorry the inconvenience made you storm out of our office but thank you for opening the door to stick your head in and tell us what a "pain in the butt" it is to fill out paperwork.  I'll make sure to document the incident...on paper.